


How I feel this week

by pixiealtaira



Series: 30 Days of Lists challenge [21]
Category: Glee
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Mentions Finn's Death, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Not Rachel Friendly, Sad with a Happy Ending, mention of Blaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiealtaira/pseuds/pixiealtaira
Summary: Prompt 21.	How I feel this weekSometimes help comes from unexpected places.
Series: 30 Days of Lists challenge [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679446
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	How I feel this week

Kurt slumped against the wall of the practice room and tilted his head forward until his chin rested on his chest. The weight was so heavy…so suffocating and heavy…it hurt. It hurt to even keep his head upright. 

He had returned from his visit home to attend his father’s cancer verdict appointment and realized that he had obviously left his brain in New York to begin with. He said yes to Blaine to an ENGAGEMENT! It was bad enough agreeing to date him again, but becoming engaged less than 24 hours later? What had he been drugged with? Honestly, that was seriously the only explanation.

When he called to talk to Blaine about it, he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Blaine was in Prom mode and nothing was going to be able to get through Blaine’s Prom Haze…and Kurt wondered where the excitement and obsession with Prom was when he and Blaine were together. Of course he also wondered where that ‘communication is going to be essential, Kurt, so you know I always listen to you and you have to listen to me too, it goes both ways’ actually came into play since he also had not even been able to get Blaine to understand that he had a new job, let alone tell him what he was doing. He should have realized what Blaine meant was ‘you need to listen to me and just understand that when you listen to me that that is the same as me listening to you, even if I am not really listening to you’. Kurt figured he could last the rest of the week until prom was over and done with and then talk to Blaine when Blaine called him next…and instead of Blaine calling on Sunday, his dad had.

Finn was gone. Carole was a mess, his dad was a mess. He had been forbidden from going home until the day of the funeral, Thursday after his dad called. He flew into Columbus early morning and rented a car to drive to Lima, and then he had been on a plane right back to New York late that night. Too many people at the house, his dad said, so there was nowhere for him to sleep in Lima. (He took what was said when he spoke with Carole with less than a grain of salt…sure, he and Finn weren’t the very best of friends, but Kurt considered them close, he considered Finn a brother. He hoped it was Carole’s grief that spoke when she told him he didn’t need to be there because he wasn’t someone Finn was close to…wasn’t someone Finn loved.)

Rachel of course left for home the moment she heard…well, not quite the moment, first she screamed at Kurt because she was out when his dad called late Sunday night and his dad had said not to say anything until further notified, so Kurt didn’t and so Rachel found out when her dads called her mid-morning Monday.

One would think Rachel was a widow, the way she was acting and carrying on. They weren’t dating, hadn’t been for nearly nine months. Yes, they’d hooked up in February and yes Finn had come a week or so later and done something with Brody, but Rachel was still refusing to talk to him for daring to meddle in her affairs and for talking to Santana, so Kurt really didn’t know where she was coming from. In fact she hadn’t talked to him at all since February, nor had she talked to him from October to February. She just talked to him long enough to hook up. Finn and Kurt had spoken several times…in secret because Kurt wasn’t supposed to talk to Finn when Rachel was still so upset with him.

None of that mattered to Rachel. She was heartbroken that her fiancé had died so tragically and the world was now to stop and mourn with her…and notice how glorious she was when she was mourning someone. She made a Beautiful Tragic Figure. When she reminded of Kurt of this, he was to immediately tell her she did indeed and how she was still lovely with tear filled eyes and a crushed demeanor. He always remembered, when prompted, to agree that her cries were heartbreaking and that they were enough to move even the most hardened to tears themselves.

In fact all the last week, since she’d been back, he’d assured her every day that she looked beautifully tragic and appropriately attired in mourning for NYADA attendance and that everyone would surely understand her great loss.

At night though, late, Rachel really did cry. She was sure he didn’t know she did, she thought he was ‘sleeping soundly without a care in the world, heartlessly ignorant to the grief everyone else was going through’. She also ranted and raged. It was the only reason Kurt put up with the rest.

He didn’t sleep.

He hadn’t slept since the Saturday Night before his dad called, and he didn’t sleep well that night because he had waited and waited and waited for Blaine to call…like he said he would.

Blaine didn’t call. He didn’t call Sunday; he didn’t call the Monday after that Sunday his dad called…at least he didn’t call Kurt. He did call Rachel and talked to her. Blaine didn’t call Tuesday or Wednesday. He spoke to Kurt Thursday before the Funeral, long enough to complain that he hadn’t been asked to sing but he said nothing else because Sam needed him so he couldn’t talk long. (Kurt didn’t sing, Rachel didn’t sing, Marley didn’t sing….no one from Lima sang. Finn’s second cousin once removed sang. It was what Carole (or at least Carole’s family) wanted.) Blaine didn’t speak to him at all during the gathering after the funeral, either. He comforted Tina and Sam and Blake, instead. Kurt sat off to the side while his dad tried to comfort Carole and deal with her family. No one talked to him, no one came over. Rachel was installed on one of the chairs by the window, dabbing at her eyes and reminding everyone there that Finn and her had been engaged for a while, remember? Her fathers both shushed anyone who tried to point out that it was a while back and that Rachel had been ‘not speaking’ to Finn, even though he tried to speak with her, as punishment for not doing things her way for months. What there was of the Hummel family left hadn’t shown up. Kurt wasn’t sure his dad invited them…Carole wasn’t fond of them and his dad was trying to make things easier for her.

Blaine didn’t call Friday. Or over the weekend. He called Rachel when she got back on Monday. She gushed about how sweet it was that he was so concerned about her that he felt the need to check how she was doing. Kurt called Blaine on Tuesday, but Blaine didn’t answer. Blaine texted later that they...the glee club…were holding a vigil and he needed to work on his piece for it…Tina and Blake and Sam really needed him right then and he needed to concentrate on them. He’d call when he got a chance. Blaine hadn’t called once throughout the rest of the week. At least not him. Blaine called Santana on Wednesday, to check on her since he said she’d been too subdued at the funeral. She snarked about it, but Kurt knew she was happy someone other than him had asked her about her feelings. Kurt had also called Quinn to check up on her yesterday and Blaine had even called Quinn.

It was Friday now and Kurt had been without his brother for almost two full weeks. Kurt broke down and called his dad the night before, tired of waiting for his dad to call him. His dad had explained the reasons he hadn’t called and it was…well, not okay but understandable. Burt talked about how Carole was coping and how Mr. Schuester was heading up a Memorial thing at the high school and wanted all the Glee club students there and how Burt thought Kurt should be there a few days…the current crop of kids really needed someone to lean on and help them through things, after all Finn had been so very important to them. Kurt asked how his dad was doing and made him promise to go in for a checkup. Then Carole needed something and his dad had to go.

After his dance class that morning Kurt had stayed behind. There wasn’t class again in the room for three hours and Kurt didn’t have another class for about that long. Kurt had gone over the routine they’d spent the week on until he could make each leap to floor then knee turn combo with ease. He then ran through the routines they worked on the week before and the week before that, before finding himself dancing his parts in old Glee Club routines, hearing Finn’s voice in his head as he recalled things the other had said during practice or performance of each routine. He didn’t stop until he could feel the tears running down his face soaking through his shirt. Then he had wiped his face with his hands and started with turns. Fouettes, pirouettes, piques, pump turns...Kurt spun until he was actually dizzy. (He’d been trying to get that way, but NOT spotting properly after being taught how to do so was more difficult than it sounded.)

Which is how he found himself where he was, chin to his chest trying not to give into despair…not only the pain of Finn’s loss, but also the pain of having no one care enough to ask HIM how he was doing, to realize this hurt him just as much as anyone else. His chest was heaving and he didn’t know if it was from the dancing or from the emotions he was trying to keep in…the effort of keeping it together.

“Kurt?” A voice called softly from the door.

Kurt looked up. Brody was standing at the door. Kurt hadn’t seen him since he was kicked out of the apartment. Brody talked Ms. July into moving his student teacher period to a time when neither Rachel nor Kurt had dance even remotely close to. He avoided being in the same part of the school as Rachel at all costs. Rachel almost cost him his whole school career, however most of the teachers were well aware that probably half the students did ‘that sort’ of work, be it escorting or exotic dancing or even adult movies. Kurt had been aware of that within his first week of being in New York. Heck, half the people who Isabelle brought to their KiKi Kurt knew to be in ‘the industry’, so to say. By the time a week had passed, the only thing Kurt had been upset with Brody about was NOT informing Rachel as to his source of income…and running about the apartment naked, but that annoyance was mainly pointed at Rachel because she was being insensitive and rude about not asking him not to...in fact egged him on just to make Kurt upset. She made it a point to explain that to Santana and himself in the middle of a fight one day…that she had Brody run about naked to rub it in that she had someone and they didn’t. He didn’t know what to think about seeing him in the doorway.

“Yes?” Kurt said, lifting his head up enough to look at Brody’s face.

“Joey came and got me. He said he thinks something is wrong. Are you all right?” Brody asked.

Kurt was so shocked at notice of his state coming from one of the Apples, a group who he’d rudely dismissed in wake of his engagement with Blaine, after being ordered to quit them and then avoid them by Blaine and Rachel with threats from them both of going to his dad and telling him that Kurt was frolicking with inappropriate people who were going to lead Kurt into bad places and then having Brody of all people…someone who had been nearly ruined by Rachel without Kurt standing up and stopping her or helping him out in any way that he actually laughed.

And then laughed some more at how bitter and hysterical his laughed sounded until the laugh wasn’t a laugh but sobbing.

Brody sat down beside Kurt and softly rubbed his back while he sobbed. Kurt had no idea how long they sat there before the sobbing lessened and he started to hiccup instead. Brody just continued to rub his back. Finally Kurt lifted his head from the top of his knees, which he’d drawn up to his chest when he started to cry.

“Finn is dead. It will be two weeks on Sunday.” Kurt said. “You are the first person to ask me about me. Not my dad, not Santana and not Rachel.”

Brody’s hand stopped on Kurt’s back.

“I heard you were engaged, what about him?” Brody asked.

“He hasn’t even called ME once since Finn died. He’s called others, but not me.” Kurt whispered softly.

Brody made a ‘hmmm’ sound as he started to rub Kurt’s back again. “Well then…Kurt, how are you doing? Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need to help getting your classes together or anything?”

“Huh?” Kurt said.

“NYADA, like many schools, has options for students who have immediate family members die or who miscarry or who have other high trauma points in their lives or get very ill, so that the whole semester isn’t lost. We are going to go speak with the Dean of Drama. He is easier to work with than Madame Tibideaux about most things…and we are going to go speak with Cassie. Then I am taking you to lunch. I doubt you have eaten or slept in a week.”

Brody helped Kurt up and took him to the Drama side of the campus. At Brody’s urging, Kurt explained about Finn…and his dad’s cancer. The Dean of Drama got hold of all Kurt’s teachers while there and they set up a schedule which allowed Kurt to turn in the major papers for each course during finals week if he needed to, extending due dates on more than half of them, and do presentations and performances during dead week, except for his voice with Tibideaux. Then they met Ms. July, who lectured Kurt for not informing her of his father’s health issues or his brother’s death, because those types of issues could affect his body and he needed it in good form to dance. She helped him set out a practice routine to do every night for dance and yoga, of all things, and which would help him ‘ground himself’ if he were feeling particularly raw. She also asked about time he would need off and helped him schedule her ‘tests’ before or after he was gone.

Lunch was quiet; Brody asking about the courses Kurt was hoping to take over the summer and then talking about which teachers Brody thought best for different classes. They talked voice technique teachers for quite a while. Brody escorted him to his next class of the day and told Kurt to call him if he needed anything, giving him his new number.

Kurt honestly figured things were done and he wouldn’t see Brody for another few months. The man was a senior, after all, just like Adam was, and seniors were spectacularly busy during the last half of their final semester.

But Brody showed up once or twice a day and made sure Kurt was eating decently. He introduced Kurt to other students who helped him with presentations and practice. When Kurt came home from the memorial an emotional wreck and upset he hadn’t been able to sing, Brody found them the empty auditorium and told Kurt to tell him about his favorite memory of Finn and music. And Kurt sang. He sang until his voice cracked and he cried instead.

Kurt never told Rachel that he’d made friends with Brody…and some of Brody’s friends. He and Brody kept in touch after Brody graduated and left NYADA. Brody got picked up by one of the traveling companies, and Kurt would catch him if he were in town, which in Kurt’s mind was fantastic since it kept Brody off Blaine’s radar. It allowed him to ‘rally the troops’ and save Kurt from work-study in Lima and wallowing in his break-up with Blaine. 

Years later Kurt would thank Brody by introducing him to one of the writers who he worked with at Vogue.com…a former model turned critic. They, in turn, would introduce Kurt to her Uncle at their wedding. He specialized in helping writers get their scripts tight enough for potential production. Something about Kurt clicked with him though and he helped Kurt bring his script all the way to production and monetarily helped him bring it to stage.

Kurt would thank them all in his acceptance speech for his second Tony award. He would also thank them during his first Oscar speech.


End file.
